But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. – Khalil Gibran
My partner Phil and I love being together, and since we run a business from home, except when he has contracts to remodel homes for his other business, or I travel back to the East Coast alone to visit family and friends, we generally are together 7 days a week.
Yet, we are independent and like our space. Too much togetherness every second of the day can be draining, so we each have our own offices equipped with a computer, copier and a DVD player. We also have our separate bathrooms, as I am typical of the female species, I love to spend hours in the bathroom pampering and relaxing with essential oils. Just knowing we are nearby is comforting and relaxing.
We find that in relationships, space is important. Even giving one another the space to be who we are, to reject or accept new ideas about the various subjects we may discuss (spirituality is our main focus) allows for each one to express the uniqueness of our being.
This space actually makes us feel closer, as the sense of freedom is precious to us, but we ensure we have our quality time. Â We did not experience the relationship we have with our previous ones; for both of us they were unhealthy unions that taught us the importance of not giving our power away. It took inner work, establishing boundaries and self love to get to the point where we were both able to enter a healthy relationship when we met.
It’s a blessed world when a couple can join without suppressing the other due to fears and insecurities and the pressure of expectations and projections, but it takes a willingness to learn and grow from our life experiences. Having a healthy, nurturing, loving union is everyone’s birthright, so I always encourage friends and family to first work on healing, understanding and loving Self, and the rest will fall in place.
It took me a long time to get to a healthier place in terms of relationships, and did not meet my soulmate until I was already in my 40’s but it was worth the wait!
We’ve learned to create individual spaces and times in our own home…a nice transition from earlier years when I wasn’t as independent…I think that the increased independence naturally evolved out of me growing and shifting.
Kathy, Glad you also have learned this. I read an interview in Oprah magazine about three years ago where Gloria Steinem had also learned about expectactions and space, and she had a wonderful relationship with her husband.
Awesome Marie, You give me hope.
Aaaw, Pat, thanks for the comments. 🙂
Beautiful post, Marie.
You might be interested in this post with its humorous take on space between husbands and wives:
http://lifeintheboomerlane.wordpress.com/2011/10/07/the-secret-lives-of-wives/
Nancy, Will check out the link for sure! 🙂
It is true, we cannot love and care for another, until we can first love and care for ourselves. Thank you for your insights.
Janet, too bad I spent most of my life not knowing this, was too into helping others and forgot to love myself.
Love the article and love reading it……. ! thanks for sharing….
Thanks, taleofmyheart. 🙂
I agree that separate space is essential. My husband goes golfing or watches football on TV, and I meet with friends for lunch or a movie. The time away helps me let go of the irritations that are inherent in cohabitation. Now if we worked together, too? I think I’d probably go crazy 🙂
Good for you for staying sane!
Janna, Good to read you also have your “me” time; makes for healthier relationships. 🙂
This is really good advice Sufilight, this explains why some people break up with their best friends when they move in together..we all need space in all our relationships.
Veeh, yes, and it makes the relationship more enjoyable.